Official PENNYSTOCK Martini Bar & Grill

[Smitty]

One day, a very gentle Texas lady was driving across a high bridge in Austin. As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixing’ to jump.
(fixin’ in Texas means: has the means or abilities to take action).
She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, “Please don’t jump, think of your dear mother and father.”
He replied. “My mom and dad are both dead; I’m going to jump."
She said. “Well, think of your sweet wife and precious children.”
He replied, “I’m not married and I don’t have any kids.”
She said, “Well, then you just remember the Alamo.”
He replied,” What’s the Alamo?”
She replied “Well. bless your heart! You just go ahead and jump…. you little Yankee Bastard. You’re holding up traffic.

[Dr PennyStock]

still exist this rivality between the North and South on the USA?

[RufRTurbo22]

LOLOL. So true.

[Smitty]

still exist this rivality between the North and South on the USA?

In a funny way....



... A good old Alabama boy won a bass boat in a raffle drawing.

He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says,

"What you gonna do with that?! There ain't no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of here."

He says, "I won it and I'm a-gonna keep it."

His brother came over to visit several days later. He sees
the wife and asks where his brother is.

She says, "He's out there in his bass boat", pointing to the field behind the house.

The brother heads out behind the house and sees his brother in the middle of a big field sitting in a bass boat with a fishing rod in his hand .

He yells out to him, "What are you doin'?"

His brother replies, "I'm fishin'. What does it look like I'm a doin'?"

His brother yells, "It's people like you that give people from Alabama a bad name, makin' everybody think we're stupid. If
I could swim, I'd come out there and whip your ass!"

[Smitty]

An Irish Priest is Transferred to Iola, Texas
He rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new
West Texas mission parish.
He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the
Beautiful day outside.
He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his Front lawn.
He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like This:
"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"
"And the best of the day to yourself. This is Father O'Malley at St.
Ann’s Catholic Church.
There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as
To send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter."
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the
Accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied,
"Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took
care Of the last rites!"
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment. Then, Father
O'Malley replied,
"Aye, 'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next
of Kin first, which is the reason for me call."

[Mr. Halsey]

Geez, slow now-a-days?

[Dr PennyStock]

Geez, slow now-a-days?

How are you? Long time not seeing you here. Welcome.

[Mr. Halsey]

Doing fine as wine.  Just stopped by the old stomping grounds to see the latest and greatest, but it seems things have slow down here?

[Dr PennyStock]

Doing fine as wine.  Just stopped by the old stomping grounds to see the latest and greatest, but it seems things have slow down here?

A lot, but, with the time, it will be like a few years ago.

[Smitty]

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary.
His wife was REALLY pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that... goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.

[Smitty]

Georgia: The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."

[Smitty]

Mississippi:     The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?"
The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."

[Smitty]

Each Friday night after work, Boudreaux and Thibodeaux would fire up their outdoor grill and cook a venison steak.  But, all of Boudreaux and Thibodeaux's neighbors were Catholic.  And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally went and talked to their priest.
The Priest came to visit Boudreaux and Thibodeaux, and suggested that they should become Catholic.  After several classes and much study, Boudreaux and Thibodeaux attended Mass.  As the priest sprinkled holy water over them, he said, "You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you two are Catholic my children."
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and again, the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Boudreaux and Thibodeaux's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold them, he stopped and watched in amazement.
There stood Boudreaux and Thibodeaux both clutching a small bottle of holy water which they carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted:  "You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."

[Smitty]

Granny and I were discussing all aspects of our future.
“What will you do if I die before you do?” I asked Granny.
After some thought, she said that she’d probably look for a house sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself, since she is so active for her age.
Then she asked me, “What will you do if I die first?”
I said, “Probably the same thing.”

[Dr PennyStock]

Granny and I were discussing all aspects of our future.
“What will you do if I die before you do?” I asked Granny.
After some thought, she said that she’d probably look for a house sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself, since she is so active for her age.
Then she asked me, “What will you do if I die first?”
I said, “Probably the same thing.”

Another good one