Official PENNYSTOCK Martini Bar & Grill

[Tombo]

Regardless of what those half-thought articles are saying about a U.S. default being positive, there's no way it will be accepted.  Even if it is smart to sometimes default and walk away form your house and mortgage, it still means you are in a weaker financial state than before.  They can sugar coat it all they want but a U. S. default would be irresponsible and cause the markets to react accordingly, I would be very surprised if congress lets that happen. 

Even though when I think of Congress, responsibility isn't the first word that comes to mind.

[softballdaddy]

BEER, FISHING, SEX &GOLF:
 
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex."

[softballdaddy]

Days like this reminds me of what my old daddy used to tell me...
Son, he would say, "It always looks the darkest, right before it turns completely f#@#@ black." Dad, wasn't much of a motivational speaker.



Buddy, can you spare a dime?

[NeHuskerz]

.

[softballdaddy]

A man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession.

When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said:


"Father... During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."
 
The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that."
 
"There is more to tell, Father... She started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays."
 
The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."
 
"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question."
 
"And what is that?" asked the priest.
 
"Should I tell her the war is over?"

[NeHuskerz]

The year is 1947
 
Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, a little over 60 years ago, witnesses claim that an unidentified flying object (UFO) with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and mule ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico. This is a well known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and other federal agencies and organizations.
 
However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of April 1948, nine months after that historic day, the following people were born:
 
Albert A. Gore, Jr.
Hillary Rodham
John F. Kerry
William J. Clinton
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer
Barney Frank
Barack Obama
Anthony Weiner
 
See what happens when aliens breed with sheep and jackasses?

I certainly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of things for you. It did for me.

[Dr PennyStock]

A man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession.

When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said:


"Father... During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."
 
The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that."
 
"There is more to tell, Father... She started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays."
 
The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."
 
"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question."
 
"And what is that?" asked the priest.
 
"Should I tell her the war is over?"

ROFLMAO, this is a very good one

[Dr PennyStock]

The year is 1947
 
Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, a little over 60 years ago, witnesses claim that an unidentified flying object (UFO) with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and mule ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico. This is a well known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and other federal agencies and organizations.
 
However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of April 1948, nine months after that historic day, the following people were born:
 
Albert A. Gore, Jr.
Hillary Rodham
John F. Kerry
William J. Clinton
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer
Barney Frank
Barack Obama
Anthony Weiner
 
See what happens when aliens breed with sheep and jackasses?

I certainly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of things for you. It did for me.

ROFLMAO, you guys have hot hand

[softballdaddy]

RETIREMENT BONUS

The Army found they had too many officers/NCOs and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.

The third one was a noncommissioned officer, a grizzly old SGT who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, 'From the tip of my weenie to my testicles.'

It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two Officers had received. But the old SGT insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer.

The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the SGT to 'drop 'em,' which He did.. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the SGT's weenie and began to work back. Dear Lord!' he suddenly exclaimed, 'Where are your testicles?'

The old SGT calmly replied, 'Iraq.'

[softballdaddy]

Yesterday, I had an appointment with my doctor and he asked me what I did yesterday, so I told him about my day:

"Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded across the edge of a lake, escaped from an angry 14 point buck in the heavy brush, marched up and down a steep hill, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake, and then, outran an alligator!"

Inspired by my story, the doctor said, "You must be an awesome outdoors man!"

"No," I replied, "I'm just a shitty golfer."

[Dr PennyStock]

Good one SBD

[cyburfer]

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 20th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse effect on your assailant, allowing adequate time to retreat to safety...??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to my wife what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping the cat (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. He is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that: a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and

a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm sitting there alone, the cat looking on with his head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note:
If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer,
one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.
•   My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
•   The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.
•   My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
•   My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
•   I had no control over the drooling.
•   Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.
•   I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.
I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!    Cy...

[Smitty]

You are not getting shafted. This is NOTHING that hasn't happened to virtually every generation before. I saved and couldn't buy my first house until I was in my 40's. BFD. it happens.

Shafted? If you were 25 in 1941 you'd spend the next five years getting shot at and fighting for your life. And you think bad is not being able to buy a house?

1951? Welcome to Korea and a post-war housing market that makes today's real estate availability look balmy.

1961? Hey, you're going to Vietnam! Have a nice trip. Try the veal.

1971? You're just in time for Stagflation, LSD and the Civil Rights unrest.

1981? The Reagan revolution is coming but the effects of Carter economics still mean 16% home loans.

There is nothing new about life being tough when you start out. The reason your generation thinks it's getting shafted is you've been pandered to with $500 mp3 players instead of $20 radios, $300 game systems instead of a roll of quarters at the pinball machine, and $700 cell phones instead of making sure you had a dime in your pocket. The realities of eating Blue Box Mac and Cheese and bologna sandwiches are so far removed from today's generation that you think you're entitled to the same quality of life right this instant, that your parents and grandparents spent 30 and 40 years earning.

It's a bitch starting out. But it's not any tougher today than it has ever been. In fact, I'd say there's never been a better time to be starting out. You can work ANYWHERE via the internet. There are billionaires made before they are 35 these days because they can type really well. You can fly across country for $300 bucks. You can buy a 300 horsepower car that gets 25mpg for $25k.

[Dr PennyStock]

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 20th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse effect on your assailant, allowing adequate time to retreat to safety...??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to my wife what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping the cat (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. He is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that: a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and

a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm sitting there alone, the cat looking on with his head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note:
If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer,
one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.
•   My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
•   The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.
•   My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
•   My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
•   I had no control over the drooling.
•   Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.
•   I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.
I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!    Cy...

ROFLMAO I am crying reading your message

[Dr PennyStock]

You are not getting shafted. This is NOTHING that hasn't happened to virtually every generation before. I saved and couldn't buy my first house until I was in my 40's. BFD. it happens.

Shafted? If you were 25 in 1941 you'd spend the next five years getting shot at and fighting for your life. And you think bad is not being able to buy a house?

1951? Welcome to Korea and a post-war housing market that makes today's real estate availability look balmy.

1961? Hey, you're going to Vietnam! Have a nice trip. Try the veal.

1971? You're just in time for Stagflation, LSD and the Civil Rights unrest.

1981? The Reagan revolution is coming but the effects of Carter economics still mean 16% home loans.

There is nothing new about life being tough when you start out. The reason your generation thinks it's getting shafted is you've been pandered to with $500 mp3 players instead of $20 radios, $300 game systems instead of a roll of quarters at the pinball machine, and $700 cell phones instead of making sure you had a dime in your pocket. The realities of eating Blue Box Mac and Cheese and bologna sandwiches are so far removed from today's generation that you think you're entitled to the same quality of life right this instant, that your parents and grandparents spent 30 and 40 years earning.

It's a bitch starting out. But it's not any tougher today than it has ever been. In fact, I'd say there's never been a better time to be starting out. You can work ANYWHERE via the internet. There are billionaires made before they are 35 these days because they can type really well. You can fly across country for $300 bucks. You can buy a 300 horsepower car that gets 25mpg for $25k.

True, the life was never so easy, despite all the problems we are facing.