ROMANTIC TIPS FOR SENIORS

[softballdaddy]

Lovemaking Tips For Seniors

 
1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed. 

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!) 

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.

6 Use extra polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.

8. Make all the noise you want   the neighbors are deaf, too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!

10. Don't even think about trying it twice. 

'OLD' IS WHEN 
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN... 
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

 
'OLD' IS WHEN
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN 
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN 
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police .

'OLD' IS WHEN
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take a laxative today.

'OLD' IS WHEN 
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.

'OLD' IS WHEN 
An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.

'OLD' IS WHEN 
You're not sure if these are facts or jokes. 

(I sent this in large type so you can read it)

[Dr PennyStock]

Very funny

[softballdaddy]

Not hungry

At breakfast time Rifkah asks her husband Shmuel: "Vould you like mayb some bagels mit lox, a piece of herring, and maybe some grapefruit and tea?'
"Tanks for asking, but I'm not hungry
right now. It's this Viagra, he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

At lunchtime she asked him if he would like something. "A bowl of
mushroom barley soup and a pastrami sandwich or maybe some potato latkes?"

He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashed my desire for food."
Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Vould you like a juicy brisket and scrumptious kugel? Or maybe some flanken or chicken?"
He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra ... I'm still not hungry."
"Vell," she says, "Vould you mind letting me up? I'm starving." 

[cyburfer]

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting
for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being
a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied.

'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts
for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is
underweight. You don't have any milk.'

'I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma,

But I'm glad I came.'