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Author Topic: Silver Tongued Devils..  (Read 16079 times)
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Dr PennyStock
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« Reply #45 on: January 14, 2013, 04:36:18 PM »

Oh my gosh, ROFLMAO Grin Grin Grin
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« Reply #46 on: January 21, 2013, 10:48:10 PM »

>To: <undisclosed-recipients:;>
>Subj: Stupid Question... Excellent Answer!
For those that don't know him, *Major General Peter Cosgrove* is an Australian.

*This is a portion of an ABC radio interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military Headquarters.

*FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?


*GENERAL COSGROVE:
*We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.


*Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

*I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

*Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

*I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

*But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

*Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

*The broadcast went silent for 46 seconds and when it returned, the interview was over.*
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« Reply #47 on: January 26, 2013, 01:04:25 AM »



Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the Best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from New York, says, 'I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'

The second, from Chicago, responds, 'Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.'

The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, 'No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: 'You know, I like car mechanics...Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.'

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington , DC shut them all up when he observed: 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no brains, and no spine.. Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable.

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« Reply #48 on: January 26, 2013, 08:41:26 AM »

Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin I agree 100%
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« Reply #49 on: February 11, 2013, 05:28:13 AM »

             Good monday morning all.. Hope everyone had a fantastic weekend   Smiley    Cy...

     A balding, grey-haired man from Chelmsford in Essex walked into a jewellery store last Friday evening with a beautiful, much younger woman at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a really special ring for his new girlfriend.
     
     The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a £5,000 ring. The man said, "No, No, that’s a mere bauble… I'd like to see something much more special."

     At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only £140,000", the jeweller said.

    The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man having seen this said, "I think we'll take it."

     The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, "By cheque... But I know you’ll need to make sure my cheque is good, so I'll write it now, you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and we'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon."

     On Monday morning the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said, "There's no money in that account."
           "I know", said the old man wearily, "but let me tell you all about my fantastic weekend!!"   Kiss

     
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« Reply #50 on: February 12, 2013, 10:00:44 AM »

Grin Grin Grin Very good.
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« Reply #51 on: March 10, 2013, 10:56:38 AM »

   A farmer who's been involved in a terrible road accident with a large truck ended up in court fighting for a big compensation claim.
  "I understand you're claiming damages for the injuries you're supposed to have suffered? " Stated the counsel for the insurance company.
   "Yes, that's right," replied the farmer, nodding his head.
  "You claim you were injured in the accident, yet I have a signed police statement that says that when the attending police officer asked you how you were feeling, you replied, 'I've never felt better in my life.' Is that the case?"
  "Yeah, but " stammered the farmer.
   "A simple yes or no will suffice," counsel interrupted quickly.
   "Yes," Replied the farmer.
   Then it was the turn of the farmer's counsel to ask him questions. "Please tell the court the exact circumstance of events following the accident when you made your statement of health," his lawyer said.
  "Certainly," replied the farmer. "After the accident my horse was thrashing around with a broken leg and my poor old dog was howling in pain. This cop comes along, takes one look at my horse and shoots him dead. "Then he goes over to my dog, looks at him and shoots him dead too. Then he come straight over to me and asked me how I was feeling. "Now, mate, what the heck would you have said to him?"
   
              Tongue  Cy...

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« Reply #52 on: March 12, 2013, 06:33:53 AM »

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up " said the sarcastic teacher.

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot? " enquired the teacher with a sneer."

Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself. "
 

 Undecided  Cy...


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« Reply #53 on: March 25, 2013, 08:22:42 AM »

A man walks into a bank and says he wants to borrow$200 for six months.
The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has.
The man says 'I've got a Rolls Royce -- keep it until the loan is paid off-- here are the keys.'
Six months later the man comes into the bank, pays back the $200 loan, plus $10 interest, and regains possession of the Rolls Royce.
The loan officer asks him, 'Sir, if I may ask, why would a man who drives a Rolls Royce need to borrow two hundred dollars?'
The man answers, 'I had to go to Europe for six months,and where else could I store a Rolls Royce for that long for ten dollars?'

 Tongue   Wink   Cy...
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« Reply #54 on: March 25, 2013, 10:50:42 AM »

You always post here some great jokes, thanks Grin
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« Reply #55 on: March 26, 2013, 09:47:44 AM »

You always post here some great jokes, thanks Grin
Yeah you know those slow days... 
PS: any and all please feel free to contribute any good chuckles .. Thanx    Cool    Cy...


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« Reply #56 on: March 26, 2013, 10:00:55 AM »

LOL, this last one is great Grin Grin
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« Reply #57 on: April 04, 2013, 09:02:50 AM »

No explanation required,  Wink   (_?_)  Cy...
 
(_!_) a regular ass

(__!__) a fat ass

(!) a tight ass

(_*_) an ass hole

{_!_} a swishy ass

(_o_) an ass that's been around

(_x_)kiss my ass

(_zzz_) a tired ass

(_E=mc2_) a smart ass

(_$_) Money coming out of his ass

(_?_) Dumb Ass

You have just been e-mooned!





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« Reply #58 on: April 15, 2013, 06:07:28 AM »

Quote
I would like to help you, but, I am already worried with my own tax system, where I can pay 52% of the profits I make  Sad   Grin


At first I thought this was funny .. . .
but realise the awful truth of it .


Tax his land, Tax his bed, Tax the table at which he's fed .

Tax his work, Tax his pay, He works for peanuts anyway!

Tax his cow, Tax his goat, Tax his pants, Tax his coat .

Tax his tobacco, Tax his drink, Tax him if he tries to think .

Tax his car, Tax his gas, Find other ways to tax his ass .

Tax all he has then let him know that you won't be done till he has no dough .

When he screams and hollers then Tax him some more, Tax him till he's good and sore .

Then tax his coffin, Tax his grave, Tax the sod in which he's laid .

When he's gone do not relax, it's time to apply the inheritance tax .

(Partial List)

Accounts Receivable Tax
Airline surcharge tax
Airline Fuel Tax
Airport Maintenance Tax
Building Permit Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Goods and Services Tax (GST)
Death Tax
Driving Permit Tax
Environmental Tax (Fee)
Excise Taxes
Income Tax
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Petrol Tax (too much per litre)
Gross Receipts Tax
Health Tax
Inheritance Tax
Interest Tax
Heating Tax
Lighting Tax
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Mortgage Tax and his pension
Personal Income Tax
Property Tax
Poverty Tax
Prescription Drug Tax
Real Estate Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Retail Sales Tax
Service Charge Tax
School Tax & Tax what he buys and what he sells
Telephone Tax
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Water Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
Tax (VAT) on Tax .
And Now they want a blooming Carbon Tax!


FUNNY?

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago . . .
& our nation was one of the most prosperous in the world .

We had absolutely no national debt, had a large middle class, a huge
manufacturing base, and Mum stayed home to raise the kids.

What in the Hell happened?


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« Reply #59 on: June 05, 2013, 03:27:16 AM »

Today's word is.................. Fluctuations
 
(I will never hear or see this word again without thinking of this joke.)
 
I was at my bank today; there was a short line.  There was just one lady in front of me , an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated . . .
 
She asked the teller , "Why it change?  Yesterday , I get two hunat dolla fo yen.  Today I only get hunat eighty?  Why it change?"
 
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said , "Fluctuations."
The Asian lady says , "Fluc you Amelican people too"

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